It was the kind of hot where your clothes start to become a permanent part of you. The sun was shining down on me with just as much power as it was on the guy walking with me to my car. He was one of three friends that I made that week in my new classes. I had arrived back in Maryland for the summer and enrolled in two summer courses immediately. I thought if I was going to be here for a season, then I needed to plant myself and find growth during this period of waiting. Normally, this sort of scene would intimidate me (all of the newness at once) and cause me to cower under the pressure of being someone “worth knowing.” I would typically slip into shy mode while pretending to be on my phone every second of the day (anyone?). But this time, something was different. An illuminating-bold stride graced my walk and, for the first time in maybe forever I could care less about the thoughts of those around me. I felt free as I released the stress of having to worry about what was going through this guy's mind, while my sweaty self rambled on and on. I felt a strong security in my identity that had begun to take root in my Savior. I was finding myself.
I grew up in California. The epic year of 2008, was the year my family and I left everything including the “identity” we had spent so long working for in West Covina, southern Cali. Now, we were attempting to plant roots on the East Coast in the DMV area. So, when I returned to Maryland from my three month stay in Cali that summer, I was determined to actually find myself. I knew that I was God’s daughter, and I knew that Christ lived within me. But, I wanted to truly walk in that confidence and I wanted to love myself so that no one could convince me otherwise.
You see, in my time growing up in sunny California, I felt the need to have a lot of friends. I thought that if everyone liked me, then I would be able to like myself. I sought out a relationship because I assumed that it would fulfill a longing in my heart and that it would make me more likeable as a human. When I first started talking to God about who I am, He showed me how I was allowing many things to shape my identity, instead of allowing Him and Him alone to do so.
Have you ever felt like you didn’t know who you were all of the sudden? Have you ever not liked the person that you were in that moment?
Moving across the country from everything you thought was your identity most definitely can do that to you. I thought I needed the things I left behind to have a good life, and I thought I needed that life to be the person that I was. I had finally found my group of friends, people liked me, a boy snatched me up and called me his, I was a “good” singer in my school musicals, I was a volunteer on our kids worship team at church, my style was finally coming together, I was a decent driver with my new license, …etc. I had become many things and had worked so hard to acquire them, when lo and behold it wasn’t all that God had intended for me to become. Those things were great in that time, but I had let them define who I was. I had let them become my everything, when that is only God’s place in my life. And because of that, I had misplaced who I was in Him.
Maybe you to have taken on what life has tried to place on you, you’ve taken on your successes and your failures, your roles in everyday life, the words (good or bad) that have been spoken over you. Many people, places and things will constantly try to define you. Your past will come up and try and tell you who you are or who you are not. Your job, your family, your circumstances... etc. But friend, I want to remind you of what I started grasping that summer and am still growing in today – you are God’s beloved. You are exactly who He made you to be. He made no mistake. And before you take on any other title or role, you are God’s daughter or God’s son.
Nine years later, I find myself in the roles of: motherhood, wife, friend, mentor, disciple maker, worship leader, cook, decorator, daughter, cleaner, laundry folder extraordinaire, sister, listener… the list goes on. Sometimes I find it extremely impossible to sit at the feet of God and to come to Him just as I am. Everything around me demands something from me, and let’s be honest – sometimes its too much to carry. Though, how beautiful and freeing it is to sit at the Father’s feet as He unmasks all of the needs, all titles and all burdens. I think of the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10) and while Martha is a hard worker as we should be, let us choose what is better, let us choose to prioritize our time at God’s feet over everything like Mary did. Because that is the only safe place we will find ourselves in.
Friend, if you are searching for yourself, if you have been burdened down by the weight of heavy, unbearable insecurities – God says “Come.”
Come and sit with your Heavenly Father and let the Father of Lights, the Good Shepherd, The Prince of Peace, Jehovah Rapha – Our Healer, El Roi – the God who sees you, Let God Almighty begin to restore your soul. Let His word sink into your heart as He tells you who you are (Psalm 139). Let the cares of this world roll off as you bask in His goodness. Let His perfect love wash over you as all of your fears begin to dissipate. Oh sweet child of the one True King, know that you are so loved by God. Know that you are so uniquely beautiful and perfect in God’s sight. Every detail of who you are and of how you look is exactly the masterpiece He intended to create for His grand purpose. It is never too late to allow Him to clothe you in the wonderful thoughts He thinks about you.
Start today. Set aside time each day this week to spend time in His presence. Ask Him to take out all of the negative thoughts and the lies the enemy has whispered into your heart out in the name of Jesus. Ask Him to replace them with His word and His thoughts about you. And start by reading these:
- Psalm 139
- Genesis 1:27
- Colossians 3:12
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
- I was blessed by this blog on God's thoughts about us: thegirlwholovedtowrite
I am so excited for you as He reveals to you His marvelous thoughts about you. We are praying that your identity becomes so rooted in Christ that nothing can shake you. We are praying that you start to see yourself as the masterpiece the Master Creator made you to be. We are praying that the insecurities that have tried to define you, will become your testimony and that as you embrace all who God has made you to be – that you will then lead others to find their true identity in Christ.
Please let us know if there is every anything we can be praying with you for! We believe God answers prayer <3